Nega-Me: So here's the thing -- you've got a full-time job, a wife, two kids. You're trying to work your way through the six hundred and twenty-seven books you bought as a teenager that still haven't been read. Not to mention the DVD collection that's growing exponentially--
Opti-Me: I'm no busier than anyone else. Plenty of time for blogging. An hour a week to pound out a short post or two? Shouldn't be a problem.
Nega-Me: You just don't get it, do you? If you want to blog, you've got to have something useful to say. Provide some insight on the human condition. Write something that someone out there will find funny! Do you really believe you can do that?
Opti-Me: I've got a few years under my belt. I've made some observations. I have opinions. Besides, have you read some of the blogs out there? The bar hasn't been set very high.
Nega-Me: OK, I'll give you points for that one. You sounded a bit like me for a minute there. Maybe there is hope for you yet. Oh, wait, now I'm sounding like you. Not good.
Opti-Me: Thank you. I think.
Nega-Me: The deal-breaker here is your writing.
Opti-Me: What's wrong with my writing? You know, I wanted to be a writer once. I even have some stories that I submitted to a professional magazine--
Nega-Me: Really? Which issues did they appear in. I would love to read them!
Opti-Me: Sarcasm is the lowest form of humour.
Nega-Me: I thought puns were the lowest form of humour? Regardless, you've spent the last twenty years working in the software industry. Your writing style has eroded considerably since your childhood prime. These days you can barely string together a sentence without making mistakes in spelling or grammer.
Opti-Me: I believe you meant 'grammar'. Grammer is the guy from Frasier.
Nega-Me: See what I mean?
Opti-Me: No, actually. I'll admit, it may take a few weeks to shake off the rust--
Nega-Me: First impressions, brother. In the unlikely event that someone actually finds your blog, you're going to frighten them off within the first paragraph with your clunky prose.
Opti-Me: That hurts.
Nega-Me: Only trying to help. Think of what you can do with the time you'll save. Make a craft with your daughter. Play street hockey with your son. Spend some quality time with your wife.
Opti-Me. Sigh. I guess you're right.
Nega-Me: I always am.
Opti-Me: It sounded so great. Letting my voice be heard. Making friends in cyberspace...
Nega-Me: Dude, I haven't even mentioned the Internet trolls out there. They'll eat you alive. And, FYI, the term 'cyberspace' is, like, way too 20th century.
Opti-Me: [raising white flag] You win. I guess blogging isn't for me. Well, what do you say we watch a movie instead? I picked up Pride and Prejudice the other day. The one that was directed by the guy who did Atonement. I loved Atonement. Did you see it?
Nega-Me: You are joking, right? You know you promised we could watch Robocop today.
Opti-Me: ...for the twenty-ninth time....
Nega-Me: Twenty-fourth. Come on, let's go.
Nega-Me: See, you've forgotten about that silly blogging stuff already.